Rapidly obtaining more male acquaintances

A trip to Alicante to see the lady who is organising our apartment. Ready on time at the front door when Mother inhales loudly behind me; " you're wearing jeans?! Oh. You can't really wear denim, darling. We don't want to appear middle class, I want to make a good impression! Couldn't you change into a dress?" Ten minutes later I was positively upper class.

Travelling through southern Spain and we spot a run-down building on the side of the freeway with a broken-neon-lighted, under-dressed lady plastered on the side; "Oh look, Nancy's Club, darling!"

"... Mhmmm, yep, that's a strip club."

"Well, good! At least it's lively!"

Also managed to exceed regular levels of planning by actually going to the airport to ask about parking. Internet details were clearly not sufficient. I have no objections to spontaneous airport visits - I'd be quite happy to just pitch a tent in the terminal (Tom Hanks stole my life-plan). In less than an hour, Mother had made friends with two car park attendants, two information desk assistants, one Swiss air stewardess and one Italian waiter. I should mention that the latter nearly became more than a passing aquaintance. Stopped for a salad (because 4pm has apparently become lunch-time for us since we've been here) at the airport gastrobar and Mother toppled over when 'Antonio' strolled along. Another public interview as we discovered where exactly in Italy he originated (Mother politely pretended to know of the little town he was from) and then Mother's emotions very nearly got the better of her when she asked what brought him to Spain; "a girl. *bashful smile*. I met a girl and I moved here."

"Ohmygod honey! You see? I told you Italian men are romantic! Oh my god how lovely! I've always loved Italian men! Oh god, I just love everything Italian! Maybe we should be in Italy rather than Spain! I love Italy!"

Later that day we went down to our local plaza to relax. Barely five minutes later the 'Guard Civil' struts in - military black boots, handcuffs casually draped over his hips, guns in holsters, possibly a bullet-proof vest. Flirtatious wink from Mother before any other onlookers could steal his attention. Ah, he left the door open... Perfect opportunity for a 'totally accidental' encounter. Mother then spent the next five minutes calculating the exact moment she should stand up to close the door to cross paths with the 'Guard Civil'. Mental countdown begins as he strolls towards the door. Tension builds. Suddenly, a lady comes out of nowhere, stands up and hovers by the door. A huff from Mother and then; "UGHHH! JUST SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR BLOODY CHIPS YOU STUPID BRIT!!"

Blisfully unaware of Mother's outburst, the lady gently closes the door. Mission definitely not accomplished. Oh dear, Mother looks like she might smash a plate around lady's striped-pink head.

A little bit of good news: our lovely neighbour has given Mother some 'Qualms' tablets. I like this neighbour.

Mother's QOTD: "I don't know darling, I'm just not happy in non-palacial surroundings!"

Charlotte-Elizabeth xoxo