Mother checks the beach safety regulations

A small part of me had been starting to believe the adventures with Mother had ceased. Apparently not, however, as a brief afternoon beach stroll nearly ended in a Baywatch scene.

Realising we hadn't eaten all day we walked to a beach bar (serving Spanish food... and therefore a mistake in itself). Yes, of course, Mother caused a little fuss; showing her strong distaste to... well, everything actually. I will say now that it may appear from past blog posts that we are dining all the time. This is not actually the case; the small compensatory factor of Spanish eateries is that you can order very little and not waste money. Although this can also be extremely frustrating when you're ravenous and your waiter brings you a tiny fish draped over an olive.

Already being a little tetchy with an empty stomach at 3pm, Mother became very disturbed by the bratty Barbie beside us - and her useless parents. Obviously Mother took it upon herself to reprimand the child her own way (facial contortions and growling in close proximity). Almost an hour after ordering our food, Mother summons one of the flustered waiters and taps her invisible watch; "forever! Waiting forever!" and gestures spinning clock hands. I shan't even begin writing about the disappointment of food that then arrived.

Walking back along the beach we come across a lone man of around 60 laying face down in the shoreline. The rest of the beach is simply stepping around him but not Mother. "Oh my GOD! Is he dead?!" I tried to assure her he was fine, probably taking an afternoon nap. Mother was not convinced. She decided she would take this opportunity to judge the ability of the lifeguards. I am still unsure whether this was for general safety checks or simply an excuse to be closer to the young and fit Spanish boys.

The latter, it appears.

As Mother approaches the lifeguards, she swiftly deters them away from the four teenage girls surrounding them. Not even attempting to speak Spanish, Mother frantically points to the poor man on the shoreline. He follows her gaze and all of a sudden, at literal speed of light, the lifeguard turns into a superhero and grabs his first aid kit and whistle, runs AS FAST AS I HAVE EVER SEEN towards the 'scene'. The second lifeguard has now climbed down from the top of the lifeguard tower and is powering along the beach. He's blowing his whistle to attract the attention of the lifeguards at the other end of the beach, shouting at the bathers to give some space. The entire beach is up on their feet, staring at the exciting drama they´re expecting to unfold. However, as the lifeguards approach the man, we see him lift his head from the ground, highly confused. A few moments later, the two lifeguards retreat and are walking back towards us. The beach has returned to their business. Everyone a little deflated, including Mother.

"He was only ah-sleeping"

Another disruption caused and we await the next.

xoxo
Charlotte-Elizabeth