There are only two
possible explanations for the recent disasters; the heat has driven us to
mental instability or we’re being haunted by a mischievous spirit.
Contributing to our
‘moving-in’ hiccups, we have had a fresh batch of happenings. We have inherited
a dreadful washing machine (Mother will not
grace the Spanish plug sockets with her beloved Zanussi. This we must save
and make do with the use of a washing machine that appears to have been sitting
in our laundry room since 1901. It may well have been made in 1901.)
Colour-blending and shrinkage are just the beginning. Yesterday Mother yelped
in grief as she pulled out her nice new dress (bought in Spain… possibly made
in Spain?). It no longer resembled a
dress. The washing machine had shredded it. God only knows how such a simple
machine turned into a beast to attack just one specific item. Everything else
in the wash load was untouched. Spooky? Yes.
Destruction continues.
Several weeks ago I think I lost my heart momentarily in the middle of the
night. I have a metal notice board on my wall; somebody somewhere didn’t like
it and decided to tip it off. The intense crash of metal on tiles in the dead
of night was the most terrifying experience I’ve ever had. Mother naturally
thought we were being engulfed into the earth’s core and there was a lot of
screaming and shaking. A week later, conveniently at night again, one of my
frames fell from the wall. Another similar situation followed. Ah, nearly
forgot – yesterday the tiniest framed photo on the wall toppled off with zero
explanation.
I also believe this
spirit is a true Spaniard who hates our traditional English interior-influence.
We came home to find ‘Fairy’ (the gold mask Mother has had for nearly 30 years
and has travelled from home to home safely) shattered on the floor, millions of
Fairy spread over the obnoxiously hard tiles. Mother also has a ‘bust’ of
Caesar. Caesar is now in two parts as I witnessed his head detach from his
shoulders and roll off. Yesterday our gold china bowl dramatically jumped off
the side table and smashed in two. Two very even pieces (is this some kind of
sign?!) and needless to say we now have a large supply of superglue.
Spooks are a regular
occurrence for us, however a couple of days ago I considered relocating both of
us to an asylum. Mother’s black hair pin went missing. Zero bothers given as
Mother is constantly misplacing things (glasses.
GLASSES!) and a nonchalant response sent Mother into a frenzy to find it;
“but Honey! It was right here! No, no, no I left it right here! It wouldn’t be anywhere
else!!” I will say now how difficult I find it to listen to this. Quite clearly
you did not leave it there. A two-hour search ended up in my believing that the
heat has really got to Mother and she has officially lost her mind. Finally,
Mother went down to the giant skip (yes, Mother was a one-time ‘dumpster
diver’) and retrieved the week’s garbage. Bizarrely, it was buried at the
bottom of a bag we had tied up days before
the clip was missing. Spooky? Yes. Really questioning our sanity now, we both placed it back exactly where it
belonged. That night, Mother went to check it was still there. It wasn’t. I got
a little excited and Googled everything about poltergeists. Tears ceased from
exhaustion and Mother and I had given up thinking about it. We now knew this
apartment had an evil spirit and we were ready for battle. I was ready to see
things flying off shelves and cutlery dancing (no, wait… is that Beauty and the
Beast? Ooops). Later that evening, as I stood in the doorway talking to Mother,
I glared past her shoulder and spotted it. Spaniard Spirit had relocated the
clip. I really had gone past the point of fear and watched Hannibal instead.
So, despite popular
belief, I don’t think Mother has gone mad just yet…
Charlotte-Elizabeth
xoxo
