Disrupting a plane journey

Firstly, grand apologies for my hiatus. The travels had ceased over summer and therefore there have been minimal ‘travels with Mother’. However, I feel you’d all like to hear about the small mishap on the plane recently.

A quick trip back to the UK (of which Mother tried to stall for as long as she could) and an adventure was inevitable. Outbound we were flown by a lovely female pilot, whom Mother rested all faith in; “Ahh, excellent. You see, we need more women pilots. They don’t mess around. They get straight on with it. Up and go is their philosophy isn’t it? Oh, I am pleased.”

So the journey was blissful. Naturally, silent gratitude was insufficient. Upon disembarking, I noticed Mother skilfully slide ahead of the queue (leaving me with the challenge of over-head lockers and grumpy travellers).  Several moments later, I noticed the line of passengers had stopped moving. We were all stuck in the awkward hovering stage of mid-leg-stretch / coat-adjusting / baggage-retrieving. Suddenly, roaring laughter drifted through the cabin from the front of the plane. It seems Mother has approached the pilot and the cabin crew to engage in a highly ‘pro-feminism’ conversation. Disgruntled male passengers were huffing and I was mortified.

The return journey was perhaps even worse. Half an hour into the flight and the refreshment service was under-way. Mother ordered her peppermint tea and settled down with her Hello magazine (catching up on the Kate & Will gossip). Believing she was in a relaxed state, I took the opportunity to nap. Moments later I was woken by a gasp and a squeal. Oh God. It turns out one of the male stewards had come around to collect any rubbish. Mother became confused as to how one should dispense of a tea bag. Her decision was to frantically lob it directly at the steward’s crotch. “Oh my GOD I am SO sorry!” Mother exclaimed as the poor man winced and glanced down at his damp trousers. Marvellous. Most of the other passengers witnessed the disaster and were giggling for the next fifteen minutes. Mother, refusing to feel embarrassed, found it hilarious too.