So we appear to have forgotten what
'grocery shopping' is and had to fill the hole with a couple of tapas at our
local authentic Spanish restaurant. Wonderful food has left us feeling very
un-bikini-ready, however we were joined by diners with only one thing on their
minds: meat. And lots of it. Had yet another glorious evening of Mother
cautiously whispering a run-down on the antics from the table behind me. I must
add here that such transfer of information like this has got us into trouble
before (sniggering from us recognised by tempered couple and suddenly
confronted by angry lady demanding to know what on earth was so funny).
As the evening progressed, Mother narrated
the adventures of 'The Slobbery Brits', much to my amusement. Only one word
could possibly do to politely describe the female: over-fed. Mother continued
to gasp in horror as an enormous platter of meats arrived and the couple
physically darted their bodies towards the food as if they had been starved of
nutrition for months (probably not the case). To describe this couple
accurately, I must tell you that the male addressed the female as 'mate' (
however romantic aquaintances confirmed later in the evening) from behind his
iPad that sat four inches from the now half demolished table of pork chops,
steaks, ribs, kangaroo (yes, really) and other delightfully frangranced
carcuses.
All was not lost when suddenly a
traditional Spanish band danced in with their guitars and banjos and maraccas
to serenade the diners. Mother enjoyed this very much. Camera out, hips
wiggling, lips giggling and almost tried it on with one of them as apparently
"he looks just like Antonio Banderas, darling!!"
Sadly the entertainment didn't last long
enough and our attention was forced back onto 'The Slobbery Brits'. Mother
announces that she has been wondering what exactly the male is regurgitating
every five minutes. Was it the bone from the steak or was it dentures? Hard to
tell when his entire head was covered in brown goo.
We have yet to find an un-lobstered, clean,
well-spoken Brit... Besides us, of course.
Charlotte-Elizabeth xoxo
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