Haunted

There are only two possible explanations for the recent disasters; the heat has driven us to mental instability or we’re being haunted by a mischievous spirit.

Contributing to our ‘moving-in’ hiccups, we have had a fresh batch of happenings. We have inherited a dreadful washing machine (Mother will not grace the Spanish plug sockets with her beloved Zanussi. This we must save and make do with the use of a washing machine that appears to have been sitting in our laundry room since 1901. It may well have been made in 1901.) Colour-blending and shrinkage are just the beginning. Yesterday Mother yelped in grief as she pulled out her nice new dress (bought in Spain… possibly made in Spain?).  It no longer resembled a dress. The washing machine had shredded it. God only knows how such a simple machine turned into a beast to attack just one specific item. Everything else in the wash load was untouched. Spooky? Yes.

Destruction continues. Several weeks ago I think I lost my heart momentarily in the middle of the night. I have a metal notice board on my wall; somebody somewhere didn’t like it and decided to tip it off. The intense crash of metal on tiles in the dead of night was the most terrifying experience I’ve ever had. Mother naturally thought we were being engulfed into the earth’s core and there was a lot of screaming and shaking. A week later, conveniently at night again, one of my frames fell from the wall. Another similar situation followed. Ah, nearly forgot – yesterday the tiniest framed photo on the wall toppled off with zero explanation.

I also believe this spirit is a true Spaniard who hates our traditional English interior-influence. We came home to find ‘Fairy’ (the gold mask Mother has had for nearly 30 years and has travelled from home to home safely) shattered on the floor, millions of Fairy spread over the obnoxiously hard tiles. Mother also has a ‘bust’ of Caesar. Caesar is now in two parts as I witnessed his head detach from his shoulders and roll off. Yesterday our gold china bowl dramatically jumped off the side table and smashed in two. Two very even pieces (is this some kind of sign?!) and needless to say we now have a large supply of superglue.

Spooks are a regular occurrence for us, however a couple of days ago I considered relocating both of us to an asylum. Mother’s black hair pin went missing. Zero bothers given as Mother is constantly misplacing things (glasses. GLASSES!) and a nonchalant response sent Mother into a frenzy to find it; “but Honey! It was right here! No, no, no I left it right here! It wouldn’t be anywhere else!!” I will say now how difficult I find it to listen to this. Quite clearly you did not leave it there. A two-hour search ended up in my believing that the heat has really got to Mother and she has officially lost her mind. Finally, Mother went down to the giant skip (yes, Mother was a one-time ‘dumpster diver’) and retrieved the week’s garbage. Bizarrely, it was buried at the bottom of a bag we had tied up days before the clip was missing. Spooky? Yes. Really questioning our sanity now, we both placed it back exactly where it belonged. That night, Mother went to check it was still there. It wasn’t. I got a little excited and Googled everything about poltergeists. Tears ceased from exhaustion and Mother and I had given up thinking about it. We now knew this apartment had an evil spirit and we were ready for battle. I was ready to see things flying off shelves and cutlery dancing (no, wait… is that Beauty and the Beast? Ooops). Later that evening, as I stood in the doorway talking to Mother, I glared past her shoulder and spotted it. Spaniard Spirit had relocated the clip. I really had gone past the point of fear and watched Hannibal instead.

So, despite popular belief, I don’t think Mother has gone mad just yet…

Charlotte-Elizabeth xoxo