Wednesday 8 November 2017

A Life or Death Situation...

A few weeks ago, Mother went on a girls' night out. Inevitably, she found herself obtaining another BFF and this has led to many more girls' nights out. A dinner is planned for her and the girls this Friday in a restaurant. To Mother's dismay, it is Spanish. Actually, it is Catalan ... but we won't get into that debate on this blog, no thank you. So, as we all know, Mother is not a fan of Spanish food and makes it known to everyone she comes across (including strangers). So, she had to investigate specific details of this restaurant beforehand. Unfortunately, she insisted I join her on this walking-tour-of-town after my shift at work. 

"Oh, rats! I forgot to look up the address, can you do it when you get to work, darling? I'm busy."

Yes. I shall do that at work because it's not like I have anything else to do. Like... work, or anything...

So, I found the address of the restaurant and after work I met mother (a very irritable Mother because she had been in a 'high street' store where there were children present) and we walked a good twenty minutes to the other side of town. At every step of the way, Mother said; "Ah yes, I recognise this, I think the restaurant is around the corner, it's got an arched wooden door"

N.B. The houses, buildings, museums, restaurants etc in this area of Spain, as I am sure you can imagine, all have arched, wooden doors.

So, we made our turns around these corners. Until we were back to where we started.  I checked Google Maps again and showed her that we were standing at the exact location of the restaurant and then I pointed up to a sign that displayed the name of the restaurant.

"Oh, um.. well that's not it!"

Excellent. "What do you mean, Mother? It clearly is... this is the name of the restaurant you told me. Here it is. It even has wooden doors, see?"

"No, no, no! I'm telling you, this isn't the one! It's got a blue sign! It's not this one. Come on, darling."

So, off we trot in search of a restaurant that Mother cannot remember the name of. Or the location.

A further twenty minutes later, we step into the path of two policemen.

"Ah, wonderful, they'll know, come on!" Mother says as she drifts towards the tall, dark and handsome policeman. The older, shorter man was completely invisible it would seem.

I tried to quietly stop her, as I'm sure these policemen are not here to tour-guide Mother.

"Hello! Hola! Do you speak English?" Mother smiles up at Hunky Policeman.

"Si! Yes I do, can I help?" Bless him, he's very sweet.

"Ah yes, thank you. Well  -  I'm looking for a restaurant! It's near here"

"Ok, no problem! What is the name of the restaurant?"

"Ah. Yes. This is the problem. I don't actually know...." Mother displays an intense 'sorry' expression on her face.

"....right. Um.. okay... what kind of cuisine?"

"Spanish. Well, I think. I don't actually like Spanish food but, you see, I'm going for dinner this Friday in this restaurant that is apparently Spanish but I don't like Spanish food - sorry - so I have to go and look and see, do you see?"

"...Si. Ok. So....  a Spanish restaurant, you are looking for, yes?"

"....yes. OH, it has paintings on the ceiling!"

"Hmmm...." Hunky Policeman turns to his colleague and presents the dilemma to him. He is of little help, considering the minimal detail he has to work with.

The colleague turns and  continues his job; redirecting the traffic with his whistle. Mother jumps dramatically each time the whistle is blown. Hunky Policeman finds this most amusing.

"Why is he blowing his whistle?" Mother demonstrates whistle-blowing.

"Haha, well - it is the job of the policeman, we must stop cars from coming here on this street"

"oh, why?" Mother enquires.

"Well, there is lots of ambulance and fire fighters there because a lady she jump from the balcony at the house there on the street"

Right. So Mother is interrupting this very serious suicidal rescue mission in order to locate a restaurant four days in advance.

"Oh, really!? Gosh, that's terrible! Do you have data on your phone? We can look at all the restaurants here on Google and maybe I will recognise the name?"

"Yes of course, I will look, it's no problem" This man is very, very accommodating.

Ten minutes later, after letting Hunky Policeman scroll through pages of Google, Mother calls her BFF and asks her the name of the restaurant.

What an idea.

"Ah, yes - that's it!" Mother says as she is informed of the restaurant's name.

Hunky Policeman looks excitedly at Mother as she comes off the phone.

Mother sheepishly gives him the name of the restaurant; "yes, it's the one you said ten minutes ago. Sorry...."

"No, it's no problem! So, this restaurant is down this street here and you walk to the plaza and then you turn to left and you see the Calle [street] and maybe you ask with people for the restaurant close to there? It is that way, see?"

"WONDERFUL! You have been most helpful! I am sure you have better things to be doing but I am so grateful! Really - and if I see you again I will tell you if I found it! Thank you, muchas gracias, darling!"

Mother then proceeds to jut her arm out and grab his unaware hand in a firm handshake.

"oh, aha, yes you are welcome!" He is taken aback but smiling, nonetheless.

Mother sends a loud parting wave to his colleague and shouts "GRACIAS!!!!" at him. He gives her a little wave back.

I manage to subtly take Mother's arm and lead her away from Hunky Policeman before she takes up any more of his time asking his name (I could see it coming. It would become a short but intense 'how-to-pronounce-it' lesson of which I wanted to avoid).

Eventually, a lifetime later (I am sure I developed an extra wrinkle somewhere), we found the restaurant. For your information, it was two minutes from where I work and did not have a blue sign anywhere near it.

It was also very closed.

Ultimately, a fairly useless two hours that  I could have spent at home with my Christmas pyjamas on.

I am quite sure that Mother will approach every police officer in town over the coming weeks to inform them that she 'found the restaurant but it was closed'.

I shall be holding down the fort in my festive PJ's on Friday, whilst Mother is gallivanting around town. Another example of roles reversing.

xoxo

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