A few weeks ago, Mother went on a girls' night out.
Inevitably, she found herself obtaining another BFF and this has led to many
more girls' nights out. A dinner is planned for her and the girls this Friday
in a restaurant. To Mother's dismay, it is Spanish. Actually, it is Catalan ...
but we won't get into that debate on this blog, no thank you. So, as we all
know, Mother is not a fan of Spanish food and makes it known to everyone she
comes across (including strangers). So, she had to investigate specific details
of this restaurant beforehand. Unfortunately, she insisted I join her on this
walking-tour-of-town after my shift at work.
"Oh, rats! I forgot to look up the address, can you do
it when you get to work, darling? I'm busy."
Yes. I shall do that at work because it's not like I have
anything else to do. Like... work, or anything...
So, I found the address of the restaurant and after work I
met mother (a very irritable Mother because she had been in a 'high street'
store where there were children present) and we walked a good twenty minutes to
the other side of town. At every step of the way, Mother said; "Ah yes, I
recognise this, I think the restaurant is around the corner, it's got an arched
wooden door"
N.B. The houses, buildings, museums, restaurants etc in this
area of Spain, as I am sure you can imagine, all have arched, wooden doors.
So, we made our turns around these corners. Until we were
back to where we started. I checked
Google Maps again and showed her that we were standing at the exact location of
the restaurant and then I pointed up to a sign that displayed the name of the
restaurant.
"Oh, um.. well that's not it!"
Excellent. "What do you mean, Mother? It clearly is...
this is the name of the restaurant you told me. Here it is. It even has wooden
doors, see?"
"No, no, no! I'm telling you, this isn't the one! It's
got a blue sign! It's not this one. Come on, darling."
So, off we trot in search of a restaurant that Mother cannot
remember the name of. Or the location.
A further twenty minutes later, we step into the path of two
policemen.
"Ah, wonderful, they'll know, come on!" Mother
says as she drifts towards the tall, dark and handsome policeman. The older,
shorter man was completely invisible it would seem.
I tried to quietly stop her, as I'm sure these policemen are
not here to tour-guide Mother.
"Hello! Hola! Do you speak English?" Mother smiles
up at Hunky Policeman.
"Si! Yes I do, can I help?" Bless him, he's very
sweet.
"Ah yes, thank you. Well - I'm
looking for a restaurant! It's near here"
"Ok, no problem! What is the name of the
restaurant?"
"Ah. Yes. This is the problem. I don't actually
know...." Mother displays an intense 'sorry' expression on her face.
"....right. Um.. okay... what kind of cuisine?"
"Spanish. Well, I think. I don't actually like Spanish
food but, you see, I'm going for dinner this Friday in this restaurant that is
apparently Spanish but I don't like Spanish food - sorry - so I have to go and
look and see, do you see?"
"...Si. Ok. So....
a Spanish restaurant, you are looking for, yes?"
"....yes. OH, it has paintings on the ceiling!"
"Hmmm...." Hunky Policeman turns to his colleague
and presents the dilemma to him. He is of little help, considering the minimal
detail he has to work with.
The colleague turns and
continues his job; redirecting the traffic with his whistle. Mother
jumps dramatically each time the whistle is blown. Hunky Policeman finds this
most amusing.
"Why is he blowing his whistle?" Mother
demonstrates whistle-blowing.
"Haha, well - it is the job of the policeman, we must
stop cars from coming here on this street"
"oh, why?" Mother enquires.
"Well, there is lots of ambulance and fire fighters
there because a lady she jump from the balcony at the house there on the
street"
Right. So Mother is interrupting this very serious suicidal
rescue mission in order to locate a restaurant four days in advance.
"Oh, really!? Gosh, that's terrible! Do you have data
on your phone? We can look at all the restaurants here on Google and maybe I
will recognise the name?"
"Yes of course, I will look, it's no problem" This
man is very, very accommodating.
Ten minutes later, after letting Hunky Policeman scroll
through pages of Google, Mother calls her BFF and asks her the name of the
restaurant.
What an idea.
"Ah, yes - that's it!" Mother says as she is
informed of the restaurant's name.
Hunky Policeman looks excitedly at Mother as she comes off
the phone.
Mother sheepishly gives him the name of the restaurant;
"yes, it's the one you said ten minutes ago. Sorry...."
"No, it's no problem! So, this restaurant is down this
street here and you walk to the plaza and then you turn to left and you see the
Calle [street] and maybe you ask with people for the restaurant close to there?
It is that way, see?"
"WONDERFUL! You have been most helpful! I am sure you
have better things to be doing but I am so grateful! Really - and if I see you
again I will tell you if I found it! Thank you, muchas gracias, darling!"
Mother then proceeds to jut her arm out and grab his unaware
hand in a firm handshake.
"oh, aha, yes you are welcome!" He is taken aback
but smiling, nonetheless.
Mother sends a loud parting wave to his colleague and shouts
"GRACIAS!!!!" at him. He gives her a little wave back.
I manage to subtly take Mother's arm and lead her away from
Hunky Policeman before she takes up any more of his time asking his name (I
could see it coming. It would become a short but intense 'how-to-pronounce-it'
lesson of which I wanted to avoid).
Eventually, a lifetime later (I am sure I developed an extra
wrinkle somewhere), we found the restaurant. For your information, it was two
minutes from where I work and did not have a blue sign anywhere near it.
It was also very closed.
Ultimately, a fairly useless two hours that I could have spent at home with my Christmas
pyjamas on.
I am quite sure that Mother will approach every police
officer in town over the coming weeks to inform them that she 'found the
restaurant but it was closed'.
I shall be holding down the fort in my festive PJ's on
Friday, whilst Mother is gallivanting around town. Another example of roles
reversing.
xoxo
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