TGIF! (Thank God It's Friday)...

Fridays come and go like any other day of the week for me. However, this Friday panned out into something I wasn't sure I would fully survive.

The night before saw the opening of Sitges Carnival 2016, with a parade for the Ice King, music, lights, raining money and crazy makeup and costumes. It signified the extravagance of the week to come, yet nobody is ever really prepared for the lavish celebrations. Having spent 3 years in a slightly less exhilarating part of Spain, I have learnt the art of 'rest'.

Friday morning I awake to the sound of Mother tapping away on the computer (this has not ceased since moving) and I put the kettle on.

"I've got to go ... yes ... no ... exactly, yes it's at 7 tonight ..." I hear Mother on the phone.

I ask what's happening at 7.

"The Venetian Ball of course! Come on darling, I told you!"

"huh?"

"I told you. Now, you'd better hurry up, we've got to find you something to wear haven't we, darling!"

"What? What's happening? Literally I don't know what you're saying... do you want a cup of tea? I'm making tea..."

"No time for tea, darling! Don't be silly, go and get ready!"

My phone rings at this point. It's a lady calling with a potential apartment for us to view. I am not a grumpy morning person but I do need breakfast before I can function like an adult.

"What is she saying, darling?  What is it? Tell mummy."

I have to translate at lightning speed and arrange an appointment. I suggest after lunch, forgetting that Spain goes back to bed in the afternoon for 'siesta' and everything closes. Nobody works, at all. No exceptions. The estate agent reminds me of this and offers the option of 7pm, when she is back at work. This is wildly frustrating and something I will never get used to. Spain want to work when I want to put my pyjamas on.

So, eventually - after crossing off options that collide with their closing times and their fiesta holidays - we confirm a viewing time. Throughout the process I have to simultaneously listen to the Spanish woman and Mother loudly mouthing strange questions at me.

As I put the phone down, I pick up my luke warm tea, only to put it straight back down again as another call comes in. It's another estate agent and a similar scenario ensues.

I am on the verge of 'hangry' and Mother is pestering me to get ready.

"Where are we going?"

"We have to leave! Come on! Go and get ready, we have to meet that woman at 16:30 this afternoon and you have to find out where on earth we're supposed to  go because I can't understand maps or Spanish or Spain."

"Wait, what? I don't remember this arrangement..."

"Yes, I told you. Anyway, we have to find you a dress before all that, the ball starts at 7. What are you going to wear? I packed appropriate ball attire, just in case, which I knew would come in handy! Haha, look at us - already invited to the biggest ball of the year!"

"I didn't think to pack a ball gown, actually..."

"Of course you didn't, which is why we need to go and find you something suitable! It's the Venetian Ball, darling!"

"I've got a stomach ache.... can I just have my tea and breakfast..."

"No, no, no if we don't leave now, all the shops will close! Bloody siesta fiesta thing whatever it's called."

An hour later I find myself in a changing room of an over-heated store, peeling off my layers whilst Mother is hovering outside, handing me things to try on.

It's literally as hot as Nirvana and the sales assistants are sailing around the stores in crop tops whilst customers are wrestling with their scarves and coats.

"I can't stand this noise, it's a bloody disco in here!" Mother shouts at me, cutting through a terrible remix of Enrique Iglesias, "Can you even hear me?! I have to go and tell them to turn it down, come with me darling, I need you to tell them in Spanish!" 

I decline this invitation, on account of me being half naked in a changing room and let her waddle off unsupervised.

Mid-change, I hear howling. I open my curtain and Mother is there, keeled over in a fit of laughter, tears streaming from her face.

"Literally what have you done now?"

"Oh my GOD!" She can't even speak properly, "We have to leave quickly, you won't believe what I've done! -- Oh NO! I think I'm going to have an accident! Hahahahahahahahahaha OH MY GOD!"

Now I'm struggling to contain myself and we both collapse laughing. I ask her what she's done;

"There was a lady leaving the changing room next to you...."

"....yes, what did you do to her, Mother?"

"Well, I forgot what you were wearing today... and I thought she was you...."

"... and....?"

"... Well, I thought you were coming out to show me what you'd tried on.... so when the lady came out of the changing room... I looked at her outfit and said 'no, darling, that looks horrendous!' you know, with my disgusted face... I didn't realise! Then our eyes met and she slid past me very quickly"

We both erupt again and we have to crawl out of the shop unnoticed.