At this stage, I'm
sure you're all feeling extremely sympathetic towards my ongoing situation. You
know, the whole "I have to spend my life restraining Mother"
situation. I had hoped that we could reside here in this city - as new citizens
- without Mother immediately creating a name for herself but unfortunately I am
not so lucky. The huge downfall of Mother is that I am involuntarily associated
with her and - considering her memorable hair colour and unique sense of style
- she is not one to blend into the crowd (meaning every time we are in public
together, people will wave to her as if to say "ah yes, the crazy woman
from last night that kept sending food back" or "oh it's the woman
who spent 45 minutes trying to untie a distressed pigeon from a net" and
so on).
A relaxing Sunday for
our fellow citizens was interrupted by a destructive Mother, once again. Sitting down midday for a coffee on the main
street (this is important; the main street is the street I walk down several
times every day) we order our drinks and are considering a snack when Mother's
shrill voice interrupts my menu-browsing;
"What is that?!!"
"What now, Mother
dearest?"
"DRUGS! I can
smell drugs!!! Can you smell it? Can
you smell that? OH MY GOD......"
At this moment, Mother
whips her head around to the table of vibrant 20-somethings 2 feet behind us
and they all look back at her...
"Not
really..." I reply
Mother's face is about
40% livid. For comparison, I can tell you that this is about a 120% level of
anger on a regular person.
"Right, that's
it. I honestly put up with so much [I
raise my eyebrows automatically] but this just pushes it too far! Smoking
drugs at a restaurant?!?! [n.b. it is a
bar / cafe] I can't eat here with that
going on! Honestly, I'm inhaling that! If I wanted to go and smoke bl**dy drugs
I'd go and buy some wouldn't I! I don't
want that shoved down my throat!!!"
Before I know it,
Mother ushers over the kind waitress to explain her dire dining conditions;
"Are they smoking
drugs????" Mother darts her finger at the table behind.
"Que?"
"Oh right,
darling..." Mother looks at me,
"She doesn't speak English - tell
her, sweetie"
"No thank you
Mother"
"TELL HER WHAT
I'M SAYING WHAT IS THE WORD FOR DRUGS????"
"I don't
know"
The waitress looks
expectantly from Mother to myself... waiting.
"DROGS... drogs.... drugas... DRUGS!"
The waitress is
evidently confused.
Mother then hand
signals the 'smoking' gesture, followed by a disgusted facial expression and
another finger-jab at the youths. Unfortunately, I am facing them, directly,
meaning that my face is the only focal point of this commotion for them.
The waitress has
picked up on the hand gesture and says;
"Ah! Yes, we have machine inside!
We sell inside"
"What?!?!?!"
Mother exclaims, terrifying the waitress, "You sell the drugs inside?!? Oh
my GOD, darling, they're selling them!"
I offer the idea that
perhaps the waitress is talking about regular cigarettes, not marijuana.
Mother pings upright;
"marijuana!"
This translates well
and the waitress understands. Sort of.
"Ah! Yes, no, you
want marijuana?? I don't .... I don't know where you can... buy... what?"
"NO! Them!"
Another jab, "are they smoking it?? They are, they are smoking the drogs! The marijuana! Yes!"
The waitress has made
several attempts to subtly look at the group behind us but they seem to have
caught on and have now stopped their conversation and are all looking over in
our direction to see what's going on.
The waitress then
understands a little more accurately and says;
"Oh, you don't
like... the smell.. the smoking....?"
Immediately, the
waitress steps over to the fun group of friends and whispers something to them
and comes back to tell us that, no - in fact they are not smoking any 'drogs'.
Mother does not accept
this and violently nods her head to say; 'no waitress you are wrong and I am
right and they are smoking drugs I
can smell it and I will not put up with it, it is ILLEGAL'.
Instead Mother just
says ; "Yes, they are" and fake-coughs forcefully.
At this moment, I see
the table behind all jeer loudly - laughing - saying in Spanish;
"eh, no
we have no drugs! But you want some?? YOU WANT SOME DRUGS, MISS?"
Mother's back is still
facing them so I have to either awkwardly smile at them in the hopes that they
translate this as; 'I'm so sorry for this
crazy woman's behaviour, I don't know where she came from, I am not related to
her but I'll keep her out of public spaces in future' or run to the bathroom with humiliation and stay there for a while.
I chose the latter.
Upon leaving, the
young adults at the table all stand up and gestured the 'smoking' hand signal,
laughing and smiling and not letting me escape without feeling like a total
disaster.
I tried my best to
carefully explain to Mother that this behaviour was not acceptable. If she did
not like what was happening, we could have silently moved to another table or
cafe. Alas, she was appalled that I was not 100% supportive of her actions and took
no notice of my desperate attempt to quieten her opinions whilst in public.
Several hours later,
we had to walk past the same cafe to get home. My heart sank as I saw the same
group of guys and girls sitting outside. I spotted them early on and tried to
haul Mother to the other side of the street in attempts to go unnoticed,
however the 'leader of the pack' spotted Mother (obviously, you see? The red
hair? This is such a problem; the more I
am seen with Mother, the more they are going to recognise me when I'm alone and
put me in the same boat!) and the crew of friends stopped drinking and stood up
to smile and wave (I feel like this was not a friendly acknowledgement but more
of a taunt). I couldn't look in that direction and marched past like a stern
and boring Brit, dragging Mother along with me.
Mother is in no way
apologetic of her behaviour and stated
that she would - and will - be
behaving similarly if the situation presents itself.
If any of you have any
advice on how to react in such a mortifying situation, please comment.
xoxo
